Vulvodynia and intimacy are two things that should never have to be in conflict — and yet, for millions of people living with chronic vulvovaginal pain, that conflict becomes an exhausting daily reality. The physical pain is real. So is the grief that quietly grows alongside it.

If intimacy has started to feel like something to dread, avoid, or mourn, you are not failing your relationship. You are living with a real medical condition that deserves real answers.

How Vulvodynia and Intimacy Become Tangled

Vulvodynia and related conditions like vestibulodynia and vaginismus don’t just affect the body — they reshape the nervous system’s entire relationship to touch, closeness, and vulnerability. Over time, your body learns to brace and protect. What once felt natural can begin to feel threatening, even when you deeply want connection.

This is not a reflection of your desire or your love. It’s a physiological response to ongoing pain. Research from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists confirms that painful intercourse affects up to 75% of women at some point — yet it remains vastly underreported and undertreated.

Starting the Conversation

Silence often creates more distance than the pain itself. You don’t have to explain everything at once. Start with something simple: “I want to stay close to you, and I need us to find a new way to do that right now.”

And speak up with your care team. If you’ve been dismissed before, know that conditions like yours deserve specialized care.

You Deserve Connection

If vulvodynia and intimacy feel impossible to reconcile right now, please know this: your longing for closeness is not a burden — it is profoundly human. You are not broken. You are someone living with an undertreated condition that deserves real care and real compassion. The grief you feel for the intimacy you’ve lost is valid. So is the hope for what’s still possible. You deserve a partner in your healing, not just your heartbreak. Learn more about how The Aziza Project can help connect you with the specialized support you deserve. You don’t have to carry this alone.